Take Our Natural Gas NOW “How to Remove A Tree-Sitter” Contest!

renewables political correctness - Tom ShepstoneTom Shepstone
Natural Gas NOW

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The courts are now entangled in an issue too bizarre to take seriously; how to remove tree-sitter pipeline opponents, so we’re having a contest. Join in!

Our buddy, Jim Willis, has posed an interesting question over at Marcellus Drilling News; how does one legally remove a law-breaking tree-sitter opposed to the Mountain Valley Pipeline (MVP) without hurting them? He says he’s “not sure what can be done to dislodge these hardened activists” but points out the absurdity of what’s going on by linking to two stories (here and here) and suggests a tree sitter who refuses to come down, or won’t even accept orders to do so, as is the case here, ought to be viewed as an eco-terrorist.

It’s easy to agree with Jim, but we’d like to have some fun with this. So, let’s have a contest to help the authorities with some imaginative ideas.

The contest is to identify the best ideas for legally removing a tree-sitter without hurting them. The best ideas will be evaluated based on effectiveness (how quickly the tree-sitter can be forced out of the tree), minimizing risk to those empowered to remove the tree-sitter, costs and usefulness of the technique as a model for other similar situations. Special points will also accrue to any idea that would make a complete mockery of the tree-sitter.

tree-sitter

Roanoke Times photo of tree-sitter opposing Mountain Valley Pipeline

Ideas should be submitted by simply using our comment procedure here. They should be concise but spell out exactly what might be done. The ideas must, as far as the commenter knows, be legal. Suggestions that would violate the Geneva Convention on torture won’t be published. Likewise, ideas that would merely postpone the inevitable reckoning and not promptly lead to removal of the tree-sitter will be rejected. We’re into solutions here, not kicking the can down the road.

There won’t be any prizes, but there will be lots of recognition in the way of att-a-boys or att-a-girls and maybe even a certificate or two. As an example of what we’re looking to get from you, our readers, here’s an idea:

Obtain a supply of skunk scent from this company and send a properly suited volunteer up a ladder to spray the stuff at heavy dosage directly into the tree-house occupied by the tree-sitter. If a crane is available, use it to get as close as possible.

Now, see if you can do better!

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31 thoughts on “Take Our Natural Gas NOW “How to Remove A Tree-Sitter” Contest!

  1. I don’t think I can improve on your skunk idea…I just want to be assured that no skunks are harmed in this noble endeavor!

  2. my idea a Natural Gas powered drone attached to tether which would have natural gas delivered in a hose for it can hover 24 7 … Flame thrower attachment optional and sold separately LOL. And the noisiest RC engine one can buy . frackivist would never sleep and then fall out of the tree on his or hers own account

  3. How about, the DEAD BODY of a guy like me who might care to be in that tree after saying “no” to certain companies having any ROW through his property.

  4. I spy a fossil fuel derived polyethylene 5 gallon bucket and a plastic tarp in that picture. Perhaps using logic would melt their brains….oh darn.. that’s been tried already. They must be the “walking dead”. Obviously this poor fellow is a poser.

  5. Hire someone repulsive to move in with him. I imagine that anyone has as much right to live in the tree with as he doee. He might not be able to handle that, If you’re lucky he will respond by threatening or assaulting the person, then you can get a restraining order

  6. Anyone who has been in the Army knows what will work–sleep deprivation. Military did it in Panama to get Noriaga–play constant LOUD music–preferably the same tune over and over and over.

  7. Use a drone to fly up and dump water on the tree-sitters, then wait for hypothermia to set in. Rinse and repeat daily. Or hourly.

    Set up solar panels as power sources, charge up batteries, run music (with chain-saw sound effects once in a while) and lights to keep them from sleeping. Variable speed strobe lights will be useful.

  8. Play 24 hours per day, the US military’s top 10 chart of music to induce sleep deprivation, prolong capture/confinement shock, disorient tree sitter and drown out protests. List includes:
    F*#% Your God (consider replacing with a Barry Manilow tune like Copacabana)
    Die MF Die
    Take Your Best Shot
    White America (consider replacing with Elvis Costello’s I can’t Stand Up for Falling Down or Escape the Fate’s As Your Falling Down from the album There’s No Sympathy for the Dead). Dragging Dead Bodies in Blue Bags Up Really Long Hills from the same album could work good here too.
    Kim
    Barney Theme Song
    Bodies
    Enter Sandman
    Meow Mix TV Commercial
    Sesame Street TV Theme

    NOTE – this cannot be considered as torture because the tree sitter is not being held captive – he/she is free to leave at any time and is in fact, trespassing illegally.

  9. Bacon grease slathered on the lower 15-20 feet of the tree trunk. A black bear’s delight! A day or two of hungry bears climbing up the tree should scare the sitters off.

  10. I suggest that a nice batch of chocolate fudge be made as a ‘peace offering’ filled with X-Lax. Or I suggest a colony of fire ants be placed on the trunk of the tree and spray honey up to the squatter’s ‘nest’. Or spray tree ” nest” as long as it takes with fire hoses. Or fly over with an crop duster airplane filled with the contents from a ‘honey dipper’ truck and spray down the tree to fertilize it!!

  11. Boil a bucket of pig s*** up wind down wind side wind. They are used to the smell all of BS so the new smell will dis Orient them causing them to fall from the tree of fantasy to the hard-hit ground of reality

  12. Threaten to girdle the tree thus killing it without cutting it down. Real tree huggers couldnt stand the thought of losing a tree that had given them shelter and would relent. Problem solved.

  13. Arm young local timber harvester volunteers with long-range squirt guns, filled with the liquor that runs out of a green silage storage bunker — an all-natural odorant concoction guaranteed to ruin the sitter’s appetite for a LONG time! Stand upwind and wet-down the ‘shelter’ in the tree. Results should be “forthcoming” — don’t stand too close. A variant: “Liquor Balloons” carefully loaded and thrown……

  14. cut branches and build scaffold all the way. police may now arrest them safely. would be a lot cheaper than having stand off, someone getting injured. rinse repeat.

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