Wayne County, Pennsylvania Landowner
The Dimock verdict offers a lesson, Bill Shaughnessy observes. Life is an endless opportunity for wealth if you know how to fake it.
Today, following the Dimock verdict, I’m wondering why I do what I do to fight for our rights as landowners; why I sometimes hang around the same circles as Maya van Rossum and friends just to get some info that may help our cause. I guess in one way we are lucky. We are just as intelligent as we were two days ago, while public opinion and a fractivist sympathetic media has collectively dropped the IQ of the rest of the world double digits with the coverage of this case (not to mention the insanity of the verdict). Perhaps it’s also a learning opportunity for all of us.
Cabot was ordered to pay up for a “nuisance” claim. There was no contamination from fracking; that was admitted before the trial and reiterated during it. The trial also revealed the EPA had told the plaintiffs their water was safe and even their lawyer acknowledged “there’s no toxic content of the water that has been tested out.” It was, in other words, proven beyond any shadow of any doubt that there was no contamination. Yet, the plaintiffs were awarded $4.24 million in damages for a “nuisance.” What the hell the nuisance was…who knows?
Therefore, it being obvious damages must be for everyone, I have decided to launch a number of lawsuits against many individuals, businesses, and state and federal governments for a number of “nuisances” that I feel have impacted my life. Here are a few:
- That road work at the intersection of I-81 and Route 17 in Binghamton, New York that has gone on forever and made the entire interchange a nightmare: Nuisance Damages Value = $2.0 million
- Windmills on Farview Mountain that block my view: Nuisance Damages Value = $3.5 million
- Tree in my neighbors yard that houses nesting birds that crap on my car: Nuisance Damages Value = $500,000 (I took it easy on him, I happen to like the guy otherwise)
- Any telemarketer that calls me: Nuisance Damages Value = $2.5 million (This one I’m not being as sarcastic about)
- Those self flushing toilets that flush when you put the paper down –- before you get a chance to sit on said sanitary paper: Nuisance Damages Value = $1.5 million
- The weatherman called for sun on my day off, but it rained: Nuisance Damages Value = $ 5.5 million
- Mosquitoes, Poison Ivy, Ticks and Horseflies: Nuisance Damages Value = $2.0 million
- Packaging on CDs: Nuisance Damages Value = $1.5 million
- Maya van Rossum’s Voice: Nuisance Damages Value = $6.0 million (Truthfully, there’s not enough money in the world to appropriately compensate for this one, but $6.0 million will ease the pain temporarily)
Well, let’s call it a day’s work with this list. Not bad; I should be able to pull in a cool $25 million without blinking an eye. Now, I just need a lawyer who knows how to fake it and can play the sympathy card…